I’ve got to talk about Your Baby’s Bottle-feeding Aversion by Rowena Bennett for a minute. (Well, more than a minute. You know me.)
If your baby is mostly breastfed and refusing bottles, there’s a pretty good chance someone- Instagram, Facebook, your mom’s friend’s cousin- has recommended this book to you.
And maybe you bought it. Maybe you’re halfway through it right now. Maybe you’ve already tried the whole “wait until baby’s hungry enough to cave” approach and now your baby is furious and you’re crying into your cold coffee.
Let’s pause. Take a deep breath. You didn’t mess this up. But… this book is probably not written for your baby. And trying to follow it with a breastfed baby who’s still learning how to bottle-feed? It can seriously backfire.
First, let’s clear up the confusion:
bottle aversion and bottle refusal are two different things
Let’s define some stuff before we dive in, because words matter here.
Bottle aversion happens when a baby who used to bottle feed, and often was exclusively bottle feeding, starts refusing it or has to be cajoled into bottle feeding. Pain, pressure, being forced to feed… something caused a negative association. These babies are scared or stressed around bottles now which causes bottle aversion. Removing the feeding pressure when a baby is experiencing bottle aversion is where this book shines.
But bottle refusal? Totally different story.
The babies I see who are refusing bottles are mostly or exclusively breastfed. And here’s the kicker: lots of them did take a bottle in the newborn days. You might be thinking, “She knows how to do this! Why is she fighting it now?!”
I hear this literally every day. I promise you, this part is not your imagination.
But here’s the truth: newborns aren’t bottle feeding because they’re tiny feeding pros. They’re doing it because their suck reflex is doing all the work. That suck-swallow-breathe rhythm is automatic in the first weeks of life. It’s not intentionally coordinated. It’s not conscious. It’s just what their squishy little bodies do.
And then, usually somewhere around 8 to 12 weeks, that reflex starts to integrate.
Poof.
Suddenly baby has to actually learn how to open their mouth, let the bottle into their mouth, let it touch the roof of their mouth without gagging, cup their tongue around the bottle nipple, seal their lips, suck, swallow, and breathe… in that order. This stuff is easy for most babies but definitely not all babies!
So when your baby suddenly goes from “sure, whatever” to “get that bottle OUT OF MY FACE,” it’s not because they’re stubborn. It’s because their reflexes are taking a nap in the back seat and they didn’t get the memo on how to drive the car.
What the book gets wrong- and why that's a problem
Let’s talk about what Your Baby’s Bottle-feeding Aversion actually says. Bennett writes:
“An infant bottle-feeding aversion is where a baby—who can physically feed from a bottle—partially or completely refuses to feed.”
And here’s where I make a loud, exasperated noise and wave my arms around dramatically.
Having the physical ability to feed is not the same as having the skills to feed. I have arms and legs, but I still can’t do a cartwheel. (Yes, I’ve tried. No, you may not ask how it went.) I’m not refusing to cartwheel. I just don’t know how.
Same deal with babies! They might have all the mouth parts, but if they haven’t practiced and mastered the actual mechanics of bottle-feeding- especially after months on the breast- they may not be able to just magically “choose” to do it.
Why “just wait until they’re hungry enough”
can actually make things worse
The big idea in the book is to remove all feeding pressure and let baby come back to the bottle when they’re ready. Awesome. Love that part.
But then it takes a sharp turn into “bottle-feeds only,” “no sleep feeding,” and “the hungrier your baby becomes the more likely he will accept a feed.”
Except… if your baby doesn’t know how to feed from the bottle, withholding other feeding options isn’t going to solve the problem. It’s just going to stress them out. And you.
What you end up with is a hangry baby who still doesn’t have the skills… and now is also frustrated and overwhelmed. And still hungry.
If you follow this book, maybe your bottle refuser didn’t have a bottle aversion before… but they might have one now!
“But they feed just fine when they’re sleepy…”
Another favorite line from the book:
“If your baby has a history of feeding well prior to objecting to feeding, or if he currently feeds well in a sleepy state, there’s probably nothing wrong with the feeding equipment or his ability to suck.”
Okay… no.
Yes, some babies will take the bottle while half-asleep or asleep. That doesn’t mean they’re bottle-feeding well. That means the suck reflex is still hanging around and taking over when their conscious brain isn’t aware of it.
Babies who have trouble breastfeeding and/or bottle feeding eat best in their sleep all. the. time.
I bet you’re a pretty fast typer… except for when someone is watching you type. Suddenly you keep flubbing up and spelling things wrong and having to correct yourself.
A baby who only feeds well when sleepy is the same. Their body can do it when they’re not consciously thinking about it but if they are awake and alert and struggling? It’s gonna be a nightmare without the bottle version of autocorrect.
Pretending that sleepy feeds mean everything is fine is a great way to miss what’s actually going on. It might look like the feeding issue suddenly appears at 10 or 12 weeks, but it’s been there the whole time—just hidden under the reflexes.
You’re not messing this up,
you’re just being told to fix the wrong thing
If your baby is refusing the bottle, and someone hands you a book that says “they can feed, they’re just being difficult,” it’s going to mess with your head.
But you’re not imagining things. And you’re not failing. You’re just being given advice for a totally different problem.
Your baby doesn’t need to be starved into submission. They need help learning a tricky new skill. They need low-pressure practice. They need time. They might need a different bottle, or a slower flow, or a new position, or someone to help them coordinate their tongue and jaw.
And if you aren’t able to identify what the problem is? Well, that’s where a feeding expert like me comes in.
In Part 2, I outline what actually can go wrong when families use aversion-based techniques on babies who are just struggling with bottle skills. We’re talking emotional fallout, weight gain issues, backsliding in feeding progress… all of it.
Because treating a learning baby like they’re being manipulative doesn’t just delay progress, it can really hurt.
So hang in there. You’re doing better than you think. And if you’re crying over a kitchen sink full of rejected bottles? I see you. You’re not alone.
Read part 2 here.
Please note: This blog post includes Amazon affiliate links. If you purchase items through Amazon after following my links above, I earn 4% of the purchase price.
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2 thoughts on “Why the book “Your Baby’s Bottle-feeding Aversion” won’t solve bottle refusal”
I tried to follow this method and I regret it so badly 😭. It was traumatising for both my baby and I.
This is exactly why I wrote the blog post 😭 I’m so sorry!